Where was this guy 8 years ago?!

Boy, this is the voice I've been looking for throughout my parenting journey. Scott Noelle. He sends out short daily essays on mindful parenting and they're wonderful. (See his site in the links section to the right.) This one was especially profound for me. I love that there's someone out there who can see through the cultural conditioning we all share and posit how we might respond in our lives if we had been imbued with unconditional love from the get go.

:: Detoxifying Parental Guilt ::

Are you plagued by guilt whenever you fall short of
your parenting ideals? Such guilt may seem a natural
response, but it's not... It's *cultural*.

Our culture conditions people to believe that their
worth depends on their behavior, so that when your
behavior is "wrong" you doubt your self-worth, i.e.,
you feel guilty.

But if you knew absolutely that you *are* worthy of
love and respect -- *unconditionally* -- you'd never
feel guilty. You'd simply feel "off" whenever your
behavior was out of alignment with your values.

That "off" feeling would be a welcome sign that you
need to adjust your course. And with your self-worth
beyond dispute, you'd be confident in your ability to
get back on track.

So next time you feel parental guilt, say to yourself,
"This has nothing to do with my inherent worth --
that's a given. I made a mistake, but I can learn from
it. I got a little lost, but I'm finding my way."



So, even though I haven't been able to parent with unconditional love for the last eight years, I know that I can do better at it now, particularly with his insights and suggestions. And with any luck, I'll feel a little less guilt about it.