An aye for an aye

When I was in high school I read this story, "Flowers for Algernon," that made a huge impression on me (it must have, I remember little from my childhood and I still remember this story). It was about a mentally retarded man who worked at a research lab where scientists had figured out how to make rats (mice?) exponentially smarter. They decided to test it on this man and he became genius-level intelligent, for a few months. Then he had to watch and grieve as the rat, Algernon, loses his enhanced intelligence and realize that he himself would soon be slipping back into his former diminished awareness and intelligence.

Every time I have a minor enlightenment experience and I'm flooded with insight and peace and joy for a little while, I think about this story and grasp at the moment, knowing that it will indeed fade for me, maybe not entirely, but mostly.

That's how I'm feeling today, in the wake of Karen and John's departure for Sacramento.

There's so much I want to remember about how they live and how they parent, and I'm afraid I'll forget it. But I don't think I will. Being around Karen woke up in me an awareness of how I want to be, and that's not going back to sleep. One of the simplest, but most profound ways that I want to live more like them is to change my automatic response to a yes. It's almost always a no, and it so shuts down my ability to enjoy new experiences, to find magic in life. It also creates much unnecessary conflict in my family.

Karen blogs here about their experience whale watching last Sunday. It's a perfect example of where they say yes when I would say no, and they get a magical experience out of it.

They went on a whale watching boat tour (and no, I haven't been on one since college. Too expensive. What if the kids or I get seasick. I've got plenty of reasons to say no.) They spend the money, nobody gets sick and at the very end of the trip they see a whale and feel happy. This is where I get off the boat and go home because we're done with that experience and I want to get home and clean up or rest or something. They decide to hang out on the beach and let the kids play for a few hours. Amazingly, there are two whales rolling in the surf just off shore. John watches two men wading out to the whales and says, "wouldn't that be cool?" Karen says what I would think, "What if you get in trouble?" but then she says, "What the heck, when are you ever going to get this chance again?" (Not me. I'm too worried about getting in trouble. Plus, I don't have a change of clothes and it would be too uncomfortable driving home in soggy clothes. And so on.) So John wades out and gets to see the whales up close and they have a truly magical experience to remember.

In so many ways in my life, my first impulse is to say no, and I want to change that. There's so many adventures to be had in this life, and I'm sitting here worrying about fiscal prudence and stability and what will people think.
We talked about it this morning and the kids and Steve and I agreed that we want to say yes more. Maddie made a poster that says "Say Yea to Yes!" and Steve came up with the punny headline for this entry.

Of course, one thing we're going to say yes to is making time to visit Karen and John and their boys. Who knows what else we'll say yes to? Life is so full of possibilities and wonderful experiences, it's time to start saying yes!